this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
