the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
