im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
