I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
