Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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