Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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