If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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