I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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