Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
