I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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