too bad you live with your parents still
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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