good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
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