so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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