why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
