Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
