I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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