This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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