At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
