I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
my being single is dangerous.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
