Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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