You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
