I looked at my own cervix.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
