So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
