she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
