I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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