you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
