Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
pray to the hookup gods
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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