Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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