No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
