Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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