i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
