She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
