yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
