I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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