So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
