There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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