Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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