she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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