I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
