If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
