Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
