if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
