gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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