Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
