You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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