We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
