I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
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Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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