The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
