Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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