Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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