I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
