i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My feet surprised me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
