Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
