I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
