Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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