It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
