I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
