I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
