"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just pynch a tree in the face
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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