I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The air was thick with penises
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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